Tools You Can Practice Yourself
- Use self-distancing through self-talk. When you face a difficult experience, refer to yourself by name and use “you” instead of “I.” This reduces rumination, promotes wiser thinking, and curbs negative emotions.
- Imagine you’re advising a friend. Picture someone you care about in your situation. What would you say to help them? Then apply that very advice to yourself.
- Broaden your perspective. Problems feel overwhelming when we magnify them. Compare your current situation to an extreme hardship you—or someone you know—has overcome, or ask yourself how important this will be in the grand scheme of your life and the world.
- Reframe difficulties as challenges. Courage grows when you see setbacks as tests rather than threats. Remind yourself how you’ve triumphed in similar circumstances before.
- Normalize your experience. Recognize that you’re not the only person ever to feel this way or face this problem.
- Time-travel in your mind. Imagine yourself one month or one year from now looking back at today’s worst moments. You’ll see they’re temporary and won’t define your future.
- Change your vantage point. Visualize the upsetting scene as if viewed by a camera that slowly zooms out—shrinking it in your mind’s eye.
- Practice expressive writing. For one to three days, journal your thoughts and emotions in vivid detail. Observe the flow of your mind on the page.
- Adopt a neutral-observer stance. If someone else is involved in your negative experience, imagine yourself as an impartial observer seeking the best outcome for both sides.
- Lean on a lucky charm or signal. Believe that a particular object or sign can bring you good fortune. This act of faith can spark a sense of control, joy, or optimism.
Toolkit Involving Other People
Tools for Supporting Someone Else
- Provide both emotional and rational support. To help someone in distress, first show empathy and caring, then offer specific advice to tackle the problem. This mix of understanding, perspective, hope, and normalization soothes both heart and mind.
- Offer help “invisibly.” Some resist assistance because it feels like a loss of autonomy. Give aid in ways they might not notice—tidy their space, carve out private moments for them, or ask for their advice so they end up guiding themselves to solutions.
- Use affectionate touch. A gentle hug or other close contact with a loved one eases stress for both giver and receiver.
- Be their placebo. Encourage them by affirming that their distress will pass and their situation will improve—sometimes belief alone can lift spirits.
Tools for Receiving Support from Others
- Build a diverse support roster. List people you can turn to for help in different life arenas—relationships, daily routines, work, etc.
- Actively seek comforting touch. Ask a friend or family member for a hug, or cuddle a soft object (a teddy bear, blanket, or pillow) to evoke calm.
- Look at a loved one’s photo. A quick glance can instantly boost your mood and sense of connection.
- Engage in shared rituals. Group prayer, community meditation, or similar practices foster belonging and remind you you’re not alone.
Toolkit for Shaping Your Environment
- Create order around you. Clean and organize your workspace or living area—external tidiness often mirrors and promotes internal clarity.
- Spend time in green spaces. When you’re struggling, take walks in nature or sit under a tree. Fresh air and greenery soothe an agitated mind.
- Cultivate a sense of awe. Witnessing something grand—a sunrise, a piece of art, a starry sky—can shrink your ego and make personal troubles feel more manageable.
(*) This content is excerpted from the book “Chatter” by author Ethan Kross. See the book summary here